what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
