Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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