i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will be naked everywhere
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
