The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
