some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
