yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
