I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
