My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
