Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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