Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
