He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
