THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
