my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
