Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
