Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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