Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
