i jhust puked up my retainher.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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