'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We have started to decorate penises.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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