god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
