Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How naked do you want me to be?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
