Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
