Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
