I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I lost the right to judge tonight
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
