The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
