I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
