I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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