My room smells like vodka and shame
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
