Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
