They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't make out with my wife yet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
