remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
