what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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