im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
