when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
