Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
