i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
