My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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