mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
