That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
