I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
