I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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