It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
