Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize