Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
