I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Welp...herpes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize