I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
