Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
