Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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