I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your penis caused this!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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