we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
