I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
