I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
