WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
