im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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