so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
