I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
