piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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