my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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