You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
