He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
