O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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