I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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