she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
