is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize