she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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