This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
