I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
