So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
