i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
