my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
