Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
