I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
