I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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