make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
