found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
