I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
