I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
