So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
